Who was the first president of the United States?
- Oprah! - George Washington.
[Dings] [Applause]
What is the capital of Alaska?
- New York! - Juneau.
How many sides are on a triangle?
8! No, 4! No, 8!
3. [Dings]
Name an ingredient in spaghetti and meatballs.
- Oranges! - Meatballs.
You've just won a million dollars!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah-- [Cheering]
How is it that that dummy won a million dollars
and I've never won anything?
Oh, I'm sure it's just a matter of time.
It'd better be, because I don't want to end up
a bitter, jealous person.
Say, I should go on a game show!
What game show are you qualified for?
Uh, "Wheel of Words"?
You don't know how to spell.
How about "Price is Correct"?
How much do you think this pack of gum sells for?
$33,000?
Good luck with that. [Clicks]
Stay tuned for the new game show "Besties,"
where knowing all about your best friend leads to big prizes.
[Gasps] We should go on that.
We've been best friends forever.
We know everything there is to know about each other.
I never thought I would say this,
but that's not a bad idea, Daffy Duck.
Why, thank you, Bugs...
Uh...
I want to say, uh, bada-bling?
Sync and corrected by www.addic7ed.com
The Looney Toons Show Season 1, Episode 1 "Best Friends"
[distant dog barking]
I did it! I got us on tomorrow's episode of "Besties!"
How'd you manage that?
There are some things you shouldn't know about me.
I know everything about you.
Hit me with some questions. Go ahead.
All right. What's my favorite color?
Pass.
What time do I go to bed at night?
Pass. Give me something easy.
Fine. When's my birthday?
Janu...
Febr...
Septem...
December...
Jul--
July! July first.
July second. July third. July fourth.
Fifth! Sixth! Seventh! Eighth! Ninth! Tenth!
- 27th. - July 27th!
Well, happy extremely belated birthday,
or... [Whirring]
Happy extremely early birthday.
[Screams] Hey, speedy.
Hola, Bugs.
You said you took care of the rat problem.
I'm not a rat. I'm a mouse.
[Door opens and shuts]
You don't know anything about me.
I bet if you look "self-absorbed" up in the dictionary,
you'd find your picture.
My picture's in the dictionary?
Is it a good one? What am I wearing?
Does my beak look big?
Aha. Gotcha!
This is hopeless.
Don't get mad at me.
Those questions were impossible.
I bet you don't know when my birthday is.
Your birthday is April 17th.
Your favorite color is dusty rose,
and you go to bed every night at 10:00
except on New Year's Eve,
when you go to bed at 8:30 because, and I quote,
"New Year's is a holiday invented by the media."
- It is! - Forget it.
Find a different best friend to go on that show.
But I need you!
I prize prizes above all else.
This is my shot at finally winning something.
I'll do anything!
Even if it means focusing on someone other than yourself
for more than 2 minutes?
That sounds awful.
But I'll do it.
[New england accent] Well, Daffy,
you know how I hate to talk about myself,
but leave us turn back the clock.
It was on the east side of New York
where me parents resided amidst humble surroundings.
[Snoring]
[Normal voice] Did I say New York?
I meant the planet Krypton.
[Grunts]
Anywho, my parents knew that our planet was doomed.
[Orchestra performing "Superman theme"]
So my father, Jor-El...
Built this spaceship.
His dense molecular structure will make him strong.
He'll be fast--
virtually invulnerable,
and he'll say "what's up, Doc? " Indiscriminately,
whether he's speaking to a Doctor or not.
You will travel far, my little Bugs.
But we will never leave you.
You're from the planet Krypton?
No, you maroon!
That's the story of Superman.
Who is Superman?
I can't believe I hitched my wagon to you.
You have a wagon?
Daffy! Concentrate!
On me! Oh! Sorry, Superman.
[Groans] This is going to be a long night.
And now, here's your host reswith the most,!
Chuck Berost!
[Cheering and applause]
Hey, thanks, everybody!
Let's meet our contestants.
First up, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck.
What's up, Doc?
It's a pleasure to be here, Chuck.
I'm a big fan.
Tell me, how long have you two known each other?
- 17 years. - 5 years.
Looks like you two better get on the same page.
[Laughter] And now, let's meet your challengers.
- Hello. - Hello.
Oh, I'm sorry. After you.
- Oh, no, after you. - No, after you. I insist.
- I insist more. - I have an idea.
Oh, you always have good ideas.
I can hardly wait to hear.
Well, you won't have to wait. I'm about to tell you.
- Oh, goody. - My idea is that
we both speak simultaneously.
Wonderful idea!
Both: Hello.
Bugs and Daffy, looks like you've got some stiff competition.
Ok. Here's the first question.
What is your roommate's favorite vegetable?
Your favorite vegetable.
Hmm. I'm going to go with beets, Chuck.
[Buzzer] Ohh!
Uh-oh. The correct answer was carrots.
You know what that means!
[Laughter]
Challengers?
Your favorite vegetable?
Well, I know he loves cauliflower.
Guilty! I do love cauliflower.
But he has been known to ask for seconds
when I make sweet potatoes. [lndistinct]
You must try his sweet potatoes. They are divine.
But if I had to pick his favorite vegetable,
I would have to say pureed butternut squash in a balsamic reduction
with just a hint of clover.
That's correct!
[Applause] [Dings]
I knew you'd get that right!
Well, I knew that you knew I'd get that right!
[Laughter]
Next question.
What is your best friend's middle name?
[Giggles] That's an easy one. Sheldon.
[Buzzer] Aww!
[Laughter]
Armando?
You know what that means!
[Laughter]
Bugs and Daffy, you've got some catching up to do.
And you're going to have a chance after the break.
[Cheering and applause] [Theme music plays]
Daffy, your middle name is Sheldon.
That may be true, but Armando sounds cooler.
Well, do you want to sound cool,
or do you want to win?
I want to win! [Gulps]
Well, then, we need a new strategy.
In the next round, whatever you're about to say, say the opposite.
That's a great idea!
I mean, that's a horrible idea.
[Clicks]
- Hello, competitors. - Hello!
We wanted to wish you luck.
Thanks.
Don't you want to wish us luck?
Not particularly.
- I'll wish you luck. - Why, thank you.
And good luck to you as well.
[Laughter] [Applause]
[Theme music plays]
Welcome back to "besties,"
the show about best friends.
Remember, say the opposite.
[Clicks]
Tell me, who does your best friend most admire?
I want to say me, but I guess I'll go with...
Groucho Marx?
[Dings] [Applause]
That's correct!
I was going to say "take your daughter to work day,"
but instead, I'll say "Thanksgiving"?
[Dings] Correct!
[Applause]
Everything in me is saying rockabilly,
but I'll go with smooth jazz.
[Dings] [Applause]
Correct!
[Cheers]
My gut says chocolate milk,
but I'm going to go with Australia.
[Dings] [Applause]
Correct!
[Cheers]
This final question is worth 300 points.
What is your best friend's catch phrase?
If friends were flowers, I'd pick you?
[Buzzer] Ohh!
No, no. It's "laugh, and the world laughs with you."
Aww.
Uh-oh! You know what that means!
[Laughter] Ooh! Feathers!
Oh, what fun! It's like a pillow fight!
[Laughing and talking indistinctly]
Bugs and Daffy, now you have a chance to win.
Daffy, what is Bugs Bunny's catchphrase?
Hmm. Think. Catchphrase.
Really? I say it all the time.
I know this. I know this.
It's sort of my go-to phrase.
It's right on the tip of my tongue.
It's in the form of a question.
I say it with a lot of sarcasm.
Ehh...
I don't do mondays!
- Aww! - Ooh, I'm sorry!
We were looking for "what's up, Doc?"
And... Say it with me.
You know what that means!
[Scattered murmuring]
[Cheering and laughter]
That means you're our winners!
Gene, tell 'em what they won!
A fabulous cruise!
A cruise? [Laughs] How exciting!
We've always wanted to go on a cruise!
[Muffled music plays]
That's your catchphrase? "What's up, Doc?"
What does that even mean? We don't even know any doctors.
[Thumping] Ow! Ooh!
Who's doing that?
Ow! Oof! Oh! [Grunting]
"What's up, Doc?" Terrible.
Just the world's worst catchphrase.
And I don't remember you ever saying it. Say it.
What's up, Doc?
Nope. Doesn't ring a bell.
But it sure cost us the game.
What cost us the game was going on a game show about best friends
when it's obvious that we're not.
You're saying I'm not your best friend?
Why? Because I don't know anything about you?
Because I never ask any questions
or show any interest in you?
Because I take you for granted?
Because if it is, that's awfully petty of you.
My best friend would probably know that I like carrots.
He would most likely know my birthday,
and he would definitely know my last name.
And for the record,
I would have loved to have won a cruise.
And that is what's up, Doc.
That still doesn't sound right.
[Birds singing and distant dog barking]
Well. If he's not going to open the door for me,
I guess I'll just let myself out.
Oh. So I guess I also have to make my own breakfast?
I guess I have to peel my own banana, too.
- Hey, that's my banana! - [Gasps] A rat!
For the last time, man, I'm a mouse!
Bugs, help!
Why should he help you?
You didn't help him on that game show last night.
You know, you'd think you'd show Seٌor Bunny a little more respect,
considering he lets you live here.
I don't live here.
I'm just crashing here until I get back on my feet.
Fyi, when you crash somewhere for 5 years,
you live there. All right?
You're not a best friend. You're a terrible friend.
Why am I a terrible friend?
Let me answer that question with a question.
[Chomps]
How many friends do you have besides Seٌor Bunny?
Well, let's see. You?
- I'm not your friend. - Ok, then.
There's that guy that comes over once a week,
and we hang out by the pool.
I think his name is fong or trang.
Are you talking about the guy who comes to clean the pool? [Lndistinct]
You're kidding yourself, man.
Seٌor Bunny is your only friend.
If you're not careful, soon, you'll have no friends.
- Who needs friends? - I'll tell you who--
someone with no girlfriend, no job, no credit,
no hobbies, no social skills...
Wait. I think I know someone like that. Daniel?
No, idiot. You.
You're nothing without Seٌor Bunny.
Then what do I do?
You got to try harder to be his friend.
Like, how much harder? Two percent?
- More. - Five percent?
- More. - Seven percent?
Are you out of your mind?
100%.
What? No one can give 100!
It's physically impossible!
You got to dig deep.
You got to go to the place inside you where you've never been.
My soul?
You need to have a soul in order to go there.
No, no, no. I'm talking about in here.
Now, try.
[Gasps]
[Grunts]
Ugh. That's good enough, right?
No. Look at me.
You can do this. Now, try.
- [Gasps and grunts] - Harder!
[Grunting continues]
It hurts! Harder!
I'm dying!
No! You're trying!
[Grunting]
I'm going to be the best best friend
that any best friend has ever had!
[Laughing]
Uh-oh.
You can open your eyes now, best friend.
Huh? [Foghorn]
Guess what? I got you the cruise you wanted!
The one from the game show?
Surprised? Well, you shouldn't be.
It's just what one best friend would do for another best friend.
[Salsa music playing] [Sea gulls crying]
Who knew cruising could be so much fun?
I cannot remember the last time I had this much fun.
Hey, do you think it's possible to have too much fun?
Hmm! Interesting question.
I guess there's only one way to find out.
- Oh? And what might that be? - Keep having fun!
- [Both laugh] - Game's over.
You've been hogging the court long enough.
- Oh, hello! - Fancy meeting you here!
Move it along, gophers. It's my best friend's turn.
Hey, Bugsy, old pal. A shuffle board court opened up!
Daffy, I'm reading.
I don't want to play shuffleboard.
Yeah, me neither.
[Splashes]
Hmmph! There's only one thing to do about that.
Limbo contest on the leader deck?
[Both laugh]
[Metal scraping]
[Distant sea gulls cry]
What's up, Doc?
Oh, is that just your thing?
I don't want to step on any toes.
[Smooth jazz music playing]
Smooth jazz. I know it's your favorite.
Do you mind?
You done with that page?
Just let me know when you're done.
I'll flip it when you're done.
Done yet? Done yet?
Aah! [Music stops]
I'll save your place!
Whoo-hoo!
Carrot?
I know they're your favorite! [Grunts]
[Toots] Aah!
Happy 189 days until your birthday!
[Toots]
I just saw my life flash before my eyes.
Ooh! Tell me all about it.
This time, I promise I'll listen.
Daffy, you got to back off.
Sure thing. This good?
- More. - This good?
Whoa! [Banging]
[Crashes] Yeah. That's good.
Is everyone enjoying the cruise?
Oh, indeed! It's our first one.
And I must say, I'm a fan of cruising.
Oh, yes. We're cruisers now.
[Metal groans]
Excuse me. Excuse me pardon me. Excuse me. Coming through.
[Metal groaning and dishes clanking]
I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I brought you everything.
[Giggles]
Get your own buffet. This one's for my best friend.
[Crying]
Daffy, you're embarrassing me.
[Clinks]
I'd like to propose a toast
to the most important person on this ship.
Sit down, you glorified bus driver.
Ahem. Ahem.
A rat once told me
that friendship takes a lot of effort,
but I'm not interested in friendship.
I'm interested in best friendship.
And best friendship takes a whole lot more.
It means waiting on your best friend hand and foot,
buying their affection.
Robotically memorizing every trivial little fact about them.
It means support them above all others.
Possibly to the detriment of those others.
Especially to the detriment of those others.
Best friends have all of the same interests...
Whether those interests are interesting or not.
A best friend is someone you'd happily commit a crime for.
- Any crime! - No matter how heinous!
The heinouser, the betterer.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's not a best friend. That's a stalker.
Daffy, I know I said you weren't my best friend,
but after these past few days,
seeing all the effort you've put in,
seeing how hard you've tried, I have to say...
You got to stop trying. What?
It's not your thing.
Would it be nice if you remembered the occasional birthday
or food I'm highly allergic to? Sure.
But not if it means we turn into those guys.
No offense. Both: None taken.
Daffy, you're a mean spirited, self-absorbed,
disturbed little weirdo.
But for whatever reason, you're my best friend.
Ooh! [Applause]
[Murmuring]
You're my best friend, too, Bugs bada-blingya.
Ehh. Good enough.
[Foghorn] [Sea gulls crying]
Seriously, how did you pay for all this?
I used your credit card. I memorized the number.
Hey! I do know something about you!
They could have asked me that on the game show!
It's 9481, 6400,
28-- [Grunting]
[Muffled talking]
Sync and corrected by www.addic7ed.com
- Hmm.
- Excuse me, sir. The country club is for members only.
- Well, I'm a member. - What's your membership number?
- One. I'm number one.
- One is not a valid membership number.
- Did I say one? I meant two.
- Sir, if you're not a member, I'm going to have to insist that you exit the property.
- Fine. I don't want to belong to a club
That would have me as a member, anyway.
- We don't have you as a member.
- And you never will.
- Membership number? - 1673.
- 1673, huh?
- Membership number? - 1673.
Looks like I have a new lucky number.
- Fore!
- No, dummy, 1673!
Oh! [grunts]
Captioning made possible by warner bros. Animation
- Membership number?
- 1673, and this gentleman is my guest.
Welcome to royal oaks glen oaks oakwood oaks country club,
Or r.O.G.O.O.O.C.C., as us members call it.
- Daffy, how did you get into a country club?
- I'm rich. - No, you're not.
- I'm beloved in the community. - No, you're not.
- Well, this is a real he said, she said situation.
Now, what do you feel like doing--
Golf, tennis, swimming?
We've got everything here at the r.O.G.O.--Uh--
"r.O.G.O.O.O.C.C."
- I'm up for some tennis.
- Not looking like that, you're not.
- Wow. This place is pretty impressive.
- Oh, we only let in the real hoi polloi,
The top philistines, the finest bourgeoisie.
You don't speak french. I'm sorry for that.
Dickie! Aggie! Hugs, hugs, kiss, kiss.
Wanted to introduce you to my friend bugsy.
Dickie, aggie, dickie, bugsy.
Daffy-- dickie.
Out.
- What? Ow!
- Ace! 30-love!
- Ooh! Ooh! Hey.
This is ridiculous.
- Ace! 40-love!
- Excuse me. Excuse me!
[machine fires] - excuse me!
- Oh! Hi.
Oh! - Hey, game!
- Are you ok?
- I don't know. Do I look ok?
- I think you look great.
- I think you look great, too.
- Well, I still got it.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
I won the match while you were gone.
[chuckles] should have called time out.
- Then I guess we both won,
'cause I just scored a date with a beautiful woman.
She's perfect.
- Ohh! - Absolutely perfect.
[soft piano music playing]
- Can I get you anything to start?
Both: I'll have the carrot soup.
- Oh! [giggles] - 2 carrot soups.
And try not to mix up our orders.
- Oh! [giggles] ohh.
- I hate to jinx it, but this date is off to a pretty good start.
- [giggles]
- You look very pretty. I like your hair.
- Oh, thanks. They're my ears.
- How long have you been playing tennis?
- My whole life. It's kind of my passion.
[cell phone rings]
- Oh, sorry. That's my phone.
Sorry. Lot of stuff in here.
Makeup, keys, rubber band ball.
Deck of cards. Stapler.
Flashlight. Mini fan.
- Oh! [glass shatters and metal bangs]
- I like to record my thoughts.
Note to self, clean out your purse.
- Oh! Here it is. Hello? [beeps]
Hi! Oh. Nothing. I'm just on a date with a really cute guy.
He's sitting across from me right now.
He's totally looking at me.
Oh, no, wait. Now he's looking down.
Now he's looking around.
Oh, no! He's looking at me again. [chuckles]
I better go. Ok. Call me later. Ok. Bye.
- Friend of yours?
- Nope. Wrong number.
Oh. Is there butter in this? I'm not supposed to have butter.
[chuckles] I'm allergic to butter.
Oh! No, wait. It's gluten, not butter.
I'm allergic to gluten. No, wait. Not gluten, pollen.
Oh, no. Wait. I love pollen.
Is there pollen in this? Can I get some pollen in this?
You know what? Now that I'm thinking about it,
I don't really want carrot soup.
Actually, maybe just one little taste.
Oh! Oh. That's good. Oh. Maybe just one more.
Mmm. Oh, one more. [slurping]
Just one more. Mm. Mmm!
You can really taste the pollen. Are you going to eat yours?
So, what do you have planned for after dinner?
- How about a movie?
We'll just sit together... - [slurping]
- Watch a movie... - Mmm.
- And not talk. That'll be nice.
- Mmm. [slurping]
Mmm. Mmm. This is so good.
[slurping]
I am so glad I'm not allergic to butter.
Do you like this movie? I love this movie.
Oh, it's so sad. - Shh.
- But, like, uplifting, too. - Shh!
- It's like a feel-good movie, a sad feel-good movie.
It's funny also, and scary.
Oh! Oh! This is the best part.
Oh, no. Wait. This is the worst part.
Oh, I hate this part. Oh. I have to pee.
Sorry. Excuse me. Excuse me. - [grunting]
- Excuse me. Watch your leg. Excuse me.
[gasps] I love this part!
Ooh, excuse me! No, sorry. Going back.
Excuse me. Excuse me! Sorry. Excuse me.
[laughing]
[crying]
[screams]
Wow. That was a good movie.
- And now, your feature presentation.
- So basically, to make a long story short--
Wait. What was I talking about?
- I have no idea.
- [gasps] oh, my gosh. I never peed.
- That was the worst date of my life.
- That was the best date of my life.
Wait. Didn't I have to do something?
Note to self, clean out your purse.
That's right.
[telephone rings] - no. Don't answer that.
[beeps] - hi, bun-bun. It's lola.
Just trying to get ahold of you.
Again. So, anyway,
Call me!
If I don't hear back from you in the next minute or so,
I'll just go ahead and call you again. Bye.
[kissing] [beeps]
- Sounds like she likes you.
You two going out again?
- Not if I can help it. That girl's exhausting.
I mean, I barely said a single word all night.
She just keeps talking and talking and talking.
It's like she doesn't know how to listen.
- [chewing] sorry. Were you saying something?
Well, I'm off to the club.
There's a mahjongg tournament,
And the goldbergs are going down.
[telephone ringing]
- [grunts]
[beeps] - you've got email!
[bell dings] - bun-bun!
- Ahh. Lola.
- Mmm!
How crazy to bump into you here.
Did you get my messages?
- Oh, yeah. I--uh-- I haven't been home.
I've just been really busy. I had to go here,
And now, I have to go somewhere else.
- Oh. I'll give it to him. We're a couple.
It's pretty serious. [chuckles]
Ooh.
- Beep, beep! Oh, my gosh!
We got into a car wreck! [giggles]
Now we have to exchange information. What!
Oh, my gosh. You like bread?
How crazy is that! I like bread.
We're like soul mates.
- I just remembered, I'm late...For that thing.
- He likes milk, too? Oh. This is getting scary.
We both like milk!
Hi!
- Oh! - Oof!
- [screams and chokes]
- Bun-bun! Help him!
Oh, thank you.
Your body looks crazy.
You should do more cardio and less weights.
Oh, thank goodness you're ok.
I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you.
- Lola, I can't see you anymore. - Say what?
- I--I just don't think we're right for each other.
- Well... [whimpers]
- Don't cry. - [whimpering]
Oh, my god. No. [crying]
- Please. Please, don't cry.
- [sobbing]
Why?
- Lola, please. I didn't mean it.
- Really?
So you want to go out again?
- Fine. - Yay!
We're back together, everybody.
We just had our first fight.
But I think we're stronger for it.
I feel very hurt. Do you feel very hurt?
- No. - See you at lunch.
- Could you drop that thing on me again?
[dance music playing]
- ♪ every time you see me ♪
♪ you earthlings turn and run ♪
♪ I don't know what your problem is ♪
♪ I'm really super fun ♪
♪ I'm a martian ♪
♪ not a great white shark ♪
♪ I'm a martian ♪
♪ I like frisbee in the park ♪
♪ come over to my party ♪
♪ it's not that long a trip ♪
♪ you'll be glad you made the journey ♪
♪ for my 7-layer dip ♪
♪ I like sharing cheese pizza ♪
♪ you see, I'm not so bad ♪
♪ do you like little puppies? ♪
♪ I make them in my lab ♪
♪ I'm a martian ♪
♪ I hold for you no ill will ♪
♪ a martian ♪
♪ does some need a chill pill? ♪
♪ my name's marvin, I'm a martian ♪
♪ la-la la-la lee, la-la lee lee lou ♪
♪ let's share a lemon soda ♪
♪ and talk about our feelings ♪
♪ but don't insult my helmet ♪
♪ 'cause then, I'll hit the ceiling ♪
♪ I've got a laser ♪
♪ and it's pointed at your planet ♪
♪ it's my laser ♪
♪ so don't take me for granted ♪
♪ I'm a martian ♪
♪ boom shaka-laka ♪
♪ I'm a martian ♪
♪ shaka-laka-- ♪
Boom.
- Pardon me, doll.
Another round of arnold palmers.
Put it on 1673.
Now, ladies,
What I'm about to tell you does not leave this table.
Estelle and abe are breaking up.
- [all gasp]
- You didn't hear it from me,
But apparently, abe prefers blondes.
Don't get your hopes up, phyllis--natural blondes.
[laughter]
- Hi, estelle. Give my regards to abe.
[laughter]
[sighs]
- Time for plan "b."
- Where is bugs?
- [high-pitched voice] bugs bunny?
- You know him?
- Oh, I know him.
Bugs bunny is the worst man I've ever met!
- Bugs bunny is a saint.
- That's what he'd have you believe.
Let me guess-- you met him on a tennis court?
- [gasps] - unbelievable.
Let me give you a little piece of advice, girl to girl?
If you don't want your heart shattered into a million pieces,
You'll break up with bugs bunny today.
- [whistles]
- Hey, lola. Sorry I'm late.
- Oh, I'm not.
I just had a very interesting conversation
With an ugly woman.
- Ugly? - Very ugly.
But she told me something that has me looking at you
In an entirely different way.
Bugs bunny, you...
Are a bad boy.
I've never been with a bad boy before.
That makes me a bad girl. [giggles] meow!
- Lola! Over here, darling!
- Who are they? - My parents.
It's about time you guys met.
Be on your best behavior, bad boy.
- Bugs. [chuckles] lola's told us so much about you.
- She doesn't know anything about me.
- [laughs] see? Told you he was funny.
[laughter]
- Oh, he's wonderful.
- Excuse me. I'll be right back.
You have to end this.
I don't care if she cries.
I don't care that her parents are there.
She's crazy, and this ends now.
And you are not an ugly woman.
Ooh! A mint. Thanks for the pep talk.
You can do this. It's like ripping off a bandage.
- I don't know what it is, but it's like we complete each other.
- Ooh! - We're soul mates! Ooh!
Yes! - What?
- Of course I'll marry you!
- Huh? - Ahem.
My daughter's getting married.
To the future mr. And mrs. Bugs bunny,
And the son I never had.
- Bravo! [cheering]
- Oh, it's so romantic!
- Why are we clapping?
- One of the club members just got engaged.
- Darling, send the happy couple a bottle of your best bubbly,
Compliments of 1673.
- Someone's bucking for club president.
- Well, you know what they say,
First comes love, then comes marriage,
Then comes lots of bunnies in a baby carriage. Ooh!
- Ehh...
- Wait until you meet pepe.
He's the wedding planner for the r.O.G.O.O.O.C.C.
- Can't you people just say country club?
- Lola, mon cherie. Mwah! Mwah!
And this must be the lucky groom.
Mwah! Mwah!
Mmm. So lucky. So, so lucky.
Your wedding day is the single most important day of your life.
I should know-- I've been married 7 times.
Now, I'm seeing an outdoor ceremony.
You should feel the beauty of nature embracing you
As you walk down the aisle,
The smell of honeysuckle kissing your cheeks
As you exchange your vows.
- Ugh.
- There won't be a dry eye in the house.
- I'll be crying harder than anyone.
- What's wrong, bun-bun? You don't want a big wedding?
Well, we could have a small wedding,
Or a wedding on the beach.
Or we could get married in vegas.
Or we could just go down to the courthouse right now!
- Or... - [gasps]
- We could just not get married.
- [sobs]
What is going on with you?
This isn't the bugs I know! [crying]
Mwah!
Love you.
Don't forget, we're having dinner with my parents.
[crying]
- Mmm. So lucky.
- Good game, nakamora.
Sorry about losing my temper on 14.
And for throwing your clubs in the water.
Go buy yourself a new set.
Charge it to 1673.
- [groans]
- Ooh!
I haven't crashed a wedding in a few months.
- Ahh. Are you a guest of the bride or the groom?
Please say the groom.
- I don't know either of them,
But if there's more of these guys,
I'll sit wherever you want.
[coughs] what are you doing here?
Did you sneak into the club using
Someone else's membership number?
[gasps] disgraceful.
- I didn't sneak in. This is my wedding.
- [gasps] you're getting married?
And you didn't ask me to be the best man?
You didn't even invite me!
Do not expect a quality wedding gift from me.
- [gasps]
["wedding March" playing]
- We are gathered here today
To celebrate the marriage of bugs and lola.
Before we begin, if anyone objects to this marriage,
Speak now, or forever hold your peace.
- [grunts]
- I object.
- What? - I'm sorry, bun-bun.
[sighs] I know how much you love me,
But I can't marry you,
Because I'm in love with someone else.
- [all gasp]
- I'm in love with him.
- You know what they say-- the eighth time's a charm.
- Will you ever get over me?
- It's going to take a long time.
We probably shouldn't talk for a while.
- I understand. Peppers!
- So lucky.
So, so lucky.
- Bugs bunny. Dumped.
I've been there, brother. You'll never get over it.
Let me buy you some golf clubs.
Waiter! Bring this man your finest set of golf clubs,
And charge it to 1673!
- 1673?
That's my membership number.
[growling]
- [grunts]
[squeaks]
[thuds]
[rope squeaks]
[road runner passing]
[twangs]
[horn honking]
[rope creaking]
[creaks]
[popping]
[road runner approaches]
- Meep meep!
[creaks]
- Meep meep!
[engine humming]
[whirring]
[buzzes]
[gasps and puffs]
[toilet flushes]
- Mint?
A dollar! - Thank you.
- I hate the r.O.G.O.O.O.--
Oh--oh, I hate this place!
Subs straight from CC
[Stammering] Did you know it's 277 Miles long,
18 Miles wide, and over a mile deep?
I mean, in places. It's not a mile deep everywhere.
Although that looks like a mile.
Did you know recent evident suggests
the Colorado river formed the canyon over...
Maybe they have earplugs in the gift shop.
Ooh! Mini license plates!
Aha! Daniel, Darvin, Doug, Eduardo...
What the--no daffy?
You have 5 Darvins and no daffy? Darvin?
"1,001 grand canyon jokes."
That's about 1,000 more than I thought there were.
I mean, what, did someone just match Darren and Marvin together
and think that that's a clever name?
Well, it's not! It's a stupid name.
Darvin is the world's stupidest name.
Great name.
And the soda.
I left my wallet at home.
[Stammering] Was originally inhabited by native Americans,
some of whom may have considered the grand canyon
to be a holy site.
So, what do you think?
[Gargles]
I've seen better.
Let's go see a movie.
Sir, you threw a can of soda into the grand canyon.
That's littering on federal property.
And who are you?
I'm a park ranger. Who are you?
Oh. Uh, Darvin.
Andrew...Son.
You're coming with me.
Wait! Let's be reasonable.
Buddy, if you don't put some pants on,
you're going to be coming with me, too.
I think I saw some at the gift shop.
Let me go, and I'll pay you whatever you want!
Ahh, I forgot my wallet. Bugs! Pay him whatever he wants!
Aren't you going to say something?
Well? If you don't like that one, I got 1,000 more.
Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com
and that's when I saw him throw this empty can of soda into the grand canyon.
It's clear that you are the litterer.
The fine is $50. This court is now adjourned.
Your honor, this is a case built on lies,
stacked on a house of cards
standing on a Mountain of fabricated falsehoods.
I move for immediate dismissal.
You can't do that.
Well, then I'd like to call my first witness.
Would you please state your name for the court?
[Stammering] Porky Pig.
What's the matter? Are you nervous?
I'm not nervous.
You sure sound nervous.
This is what I always sound--
- maybe you're nervous because you're lying.
But I'm not--
- maybe you're lying because you don't want us to know
your true identity.
My--
- and the reason you don't want us to know your true identity
is because you, sir, are the litterer!
[Fan squeaks]
[Gasps]
And a collective gasp fills the courtroom.
Are we done here?
Are you not wearing pants?
Where's the gift shop?
Please state your name for the court.
Bugs Bunny.
Mr. Bunny, where were you on the night of November 10th?
Uh, I'm not sure,
but didn't this happen in the daytime on June first?
Aha! And how would you know that
if you were not guilty of this heinous crime?
Ladies and gentlemen, here is your litterer.
Daffy, just pay the fine.
- Hostile witness! - Oh, you call this hostile?
This is not hostile.
If you want hostile, I'll give you hostile.
- Objection! - Overruled!
- That's what I say! - What?
- Overruled. - Sustained.
Keep this up, and I'll hold you both in contempt of court.
I apologize for my friend, your highness. Now, if I may.
What do we know? The piece of litter in question?
A can of soda.
So, it would fit that the litterer must like soda.
It may surprise the court to learn
that I, Daffy Duck, despise soda.
[Gasps]
Is anyone even listening here?
The point is, I can't possibly be the litterer,
because I don't like soda.
And if the soda gets spit, you must acquit.
[Squirting]
Order. You are both held in contempt
and will be placed in jail immediately.
Bailiff, take them away.
[Cash register dings]
[Stammers] What'd I miss?
[Shutter clicks] Name?
- Daffy Duck. - Crime?
Contempt of court.
- Name? - Bugs Bunny.
Crime?
Well, some might say being too good-looking.
[Dance music playing]
Nah, I'm just kidding. Contempt of court.
Oh, no! I'm going to be swimming in this.
Do you have a belt or a sash?
I'm about to meet a ton of new people,
and I'd rather not look like a big, fat traffic cone.
See what I mean? That's a lot of orange.
[Snarls and growls]
[Grinds and clicks]
[Clanking]
Not too shabby.
I mean, it could use some accessories--
maybe a few pillows or some scented candles.
I'm thinking this might be a problem.
Eww.
[Chews] Ehh. A little salty.
But I got to say, it's a pleasure having somebody cook for me.
How can you be so relaxed?
We're in prison! Jail! The big house!
We're up the river! We're down the creek!
We're 2 picks short of a load!
There's no "I" in team! You got to fight for your right to party!
- [Grunting] - Party's over.
What are you scared of? This guy?
I bet he's a Teddy bear.
I'm Bugs, this is daffy. We're in cell 2-r.
Come by anytime. The door's always open.
Well, not technically, but you get the point.
Anywho, would you be a dear and please pass me the ketchup?
Are you serving time for being rude
or because you can't follow directions?
- [Growls] - [Gasps]
[Grunts]
Ehh, so, let me get this straight.
I can insult whomever I please
without fear of bodily harm?
I should have gotten thrown in jail years ago.
It's a smart Alec's paradise!
Say, I like your hair. Did you butcher it yourself?
[Growls] I'll butcher you!
I don't know where you got your looks,
but I hope you kept the receipt!
- Oh, I'm going to get you! - Hey, buddy,
can I borrow your brain? You're obviously not using it.
- [Grunts. - [Laughs]
You got to get me out of here. I'm not cut out for this place.
Look at me--I can't eat, I can't sleep.
You don't know what it's like being cut off from the outside world.
What year is it? Who's president?
[Stammering] You've only been in here one day.
Well, it's been a very hard day.
Did you know they have a yard here
where you can exercise for free?
Well, before I go,
I made you a cake.
A cake, huh? [Clicks]
Nothing? No crowbar, no shiv?
Who brings a cake to a prisoner
without putting a means of escape inside?
How do you expect us to break out of this place?
Mother. Ooh! Where we going now?
[Harmonica playing] [Picks clicking]
Phew! Excuse me. What's the goal here?
Are we building something, or just making rocks into smaller rocks?
And would it be possible for me to switch places
with that pituitary case over there?
[Growls]
I burn easily.
You'll have to pardon my friend.
The heat's getting to him. He's not used to this.
He's not a hardened criminal like you.
I mean, I shouldn't assume that you're a hardened criminal,
but in my defense, you do have a neanderthal-shaped head,
which I normally equate with stupidity--
uh, not that you're stupid. I just mean that you look stupid.
I don't mean that as an insult.
I mean, some people think stupid to mean cool.
Like, "that's a stupid car," "you've got a stupid apartment."
I should stop talking. I'm just very nervous right now.
I tend to ramble when I'm nervous.
You know what the word ramble means?
You're probably too stupid to know--
and here, I mean stupid-stupid, not stupid-cool.
[Growls]
Aah!
- [Growling] - [All grunting]
[Both panting]
[All grunting]
- [Panting] - Aah!
[Distant shouting]
- [Gasps] - [Grunting and growling]
There's only one thing to do.
Teach that bully a thing or...
- Jump! - Two!
[Growls]
[R&b music playing]
♪ I had a toy train when I was young ♪
♪ but a wheel fell off, and it wouldn't run ♪
♪ and ooh! ♪
♪ I blew my stack ♪
♪ yosemite Sam ♪
♪ daddy sent me to school, but things got weird ♪
♪ when the kids made fun of my long, red beard ♪
♪ and ooh! ♪
♪ I blew my stack ♪
♪ blimmity-blam ♪
♪ the merchant marine kept my temper at bay ♪
♪ until a dolphin looked at me the wrong way ♪
♪ and ooh! ♪
♪ I blew my stack ♪
♪ you better watch it, dolphin ♪
Aw, man.
♪ So I worked at the library, a peaceful place ♪
♪ but people kept turning their books in late ♪
♪ and ooh! ♪
♪ I blew my stack ♪
♪ got to bring your books back in ♪
♪ well, I try to stay calm, cool as ice ♪
♪ but somebody says something just not nice ♪
♪ deep inside, I just don't feel right ♪
♪ I'm like a walking stick of lit dynamite ♪
♪ I'm about to blow, you better go ♪
♪ you're about to guest star on the "blow my stack" show ♪
♪ show, show ♪
♪ anger management classes, count to 10 ♪
♪ but I only get to 3, and then ♪
♪ guess what? ♪
♪ I blow my stack ♪
♪ you didn't get to 10 ♪
Hey, quit rubbin' it in!
♪ Sorry, Sam, that's what happened ♪
It's like you're trying to get me to blow my stack!
♪ Maybe that's the plan ♪
Oh, I'm a-warnin' you!
♪ He's gonna go ka-blam! ♪
Ooh!
We're alive?
We're alive!
Who cares about that? We're free!
It's like I have a clean slate, a fresh start!
And this time, I'm going to be a little less charitable.
Ehh, not so fast, bub.
We got to turn ourselves in. Are you crazy?
That guy with the neanderthal-shaped head will kill us!
I'm not letting one bad apple ruin prison for me.
I'm going back to jail.
Well, I'm going to live my life on the lam.
[Both grunt]
[Harmonica playing]
We got to do something about this.
Follow me.
[Birds crying]
Step one of life on the lam...
Change your appearance.
And if you're going to be attached to me, you're going blonde, too.
[Spits]
[Muffled] Stop! What are you doing? Oh!
Are you crazy?
Well! Hello.
[Static on radio] Be on the lookout for 2 prison escapees--
a gray rabbit and a black duck.
[Whimpering]
Not so fast. I have some business to take care of.
Once we get this chain off, you can turn yourself in all you want.
Oh, I will.
Jail was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
And you're not going to keep me from it.
Excuse me, officer.
I don't mean to bother you, but my name is Bugs Bunny,
and this is Daffy Duck, and we're supposed to be in jail.
- You're Bugs Bunny? - The one and only.
And you're Daffy Duck?
I didn't say that.
I don't see the resemblance.
Well, then, how do you explain this chain?
Your personal lives are your business.
Stay out of trouble.
No! Take me with you!
Come on. Let's get out of here.
Where are we going?
Wherever this will take us.
Ohh!
[Bell dings]
Can I help you?
- We'd like a room. - Name?
Uh--
- we can't give away our real names!
We're on the lam!
Ahem. I'm count Leopold van lichtenstein.
And this is Randy.
You don't happen to have any chain cutters
or acetylene torches back there, do you?
[Car approaching]
The motel gift shop may not have had any welding equipment,
but the book selection wasn't half-bad.
Can you keep it down?!
I'm trying to sleep!
Well, I'm trying to read,
and it's not easy with you tossing and turning.
You think I like having to share a bed with you?
At least in prison we weren't chained together.
We had a whole cell to enjoy.
Oh, cell block number five!
Well, you're no picnic, either!
You think I enjoy listening to you wax nostalgic
about your time in jail?
Ha! And by the way, a prison nickname doesn't count
if you give it to yourself, dynamite!
You better watch it, duck,
because the fuse just got lit.
[Imitating fuse]
[Spits]
[Gasps] How dare you!
No one, and I mean no one,
would do something that rude in prison!
Now good night, Leopold.
Good night, Randy.
[Car approaching]
[Banjo music playing]
Step two of life on the lam--
get a job.
[Bell dings]
I'm Leopold. I'll be your waiter.
And I'm Randy. I'll be your waiter.
What is the soup of the day?
[Door dings] Uh-oh.
[Police radio chatter]
[Gasps]
Officer!
Sorry about that.
But the soup of the day is a secret.
If you say one word to those cops,
I promise to make the rest of your life
a living nightmare!
How is that any different than now?
Hey, blondies, some service over here?
Not a word!
Oh, good afternoon, gentlemen.
What can I get you?
What does this say?
We're on the lam.
- You're on the what? - Lam.
Oh, lamb. I love lamb.
Oh! Is there a lamb special?
- No, we're on the lam! - What's on the lam?
Oh, I hope it's mint jelly. That goes great with lam.
No, we're on the lam.
You're on the lam?
[Laughs] No, we're not on the lam.
Oh, thank goodness.
Rabbit and duck on lamb is way too much meat.
I'm watching my cholesterol.
Just give us three veggie burgers.
- How'd we do? - 75 cents in tips.
I've got the wrong personality for customer service.
This isn't enough money for the hotel.
Where are we going to sleep?
Step three of life on the lam--
always have a back-up plan.
[Wind blowing]
[Toilet flushing]
[Door creaking]
Nice back-up plan.
Look on the bright side-- at least it can't get any worse.
[Thunder]
Any other bold predictions?
One day, this country will send a man to the moon!
That's already happened.
Am I...A wizard?
If you were a wizard, you'd do something about this chain.
Chain, break!
- [Chuckles] - Chain, break!
You may not be a wizard but you sure are entertaining.
Silence! You're throwing off my wizard concentration.
Chain!
[Thunder]
I am a wizard!
That was lightning.
Ha! Classic non-wizard thing to say.
Now the only question that remains is,
will I be a good wizard or a bad wizard?
Bad wizard! Beware, mortals,
for Daffy Duck the wizard
shall rule the world!
Did you say Daffy Duck?
Daffy Duck, the wizard.
Who wants to know? The police.
You're going back to jail.
I thought you'd never find us!
[Police radio chatter]
Lightning, strike!
No! Don't make me leave!
Wait, no, wait! Oh!
But tonight's meatloaf Monday!
[Prison doors slam]
So long, chainsaw.
Call me when you get out, in 140 years.
Take care, manslaughter.
And look into getting that name changed.
I really think it'll make a difference.
Hmm. And I think I'll miss you most of all,
neanderthal-shaped head man.
[Grunts]
[Crying]
[Stammering] Ah, you can stop crying.
You're free!
But that's why I'm crying!
Cheer up. With a recidivism rate of 68%,
you'll be back in jail in no time.
What about you, daffy?
Did you learn your lesson?
You bet. I'm a changed man.
[Slurping] Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com
[siren] Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com
will you open the glove compartment and hand me those pants?
[Banjo music playing]
Why am I stuck doing this?
Don't you remember?
We agreed that you'd do the chores
for the first 365 days of the year,
then I'll do them for the rest of the year.
Oh, right.
[Chuckles] Sucker.
[Rumbling]
I wonder what he's up to.
What do I always say?
Don't get involved in your neighbor's business.
Before you know it, their business is your business.
It's a very slippery slope.
Daffy, when you live in a neighborhood,
you live by a strict code of conduct.
Part of it is being friendly to your neighbors--
even the bad ones.
Ah, what's up, neighbor?
None of your business, you bucktoothed varmint!
[Laughs]
What are you laughing at, beak face?
We're just trying to be friendly.
I don't need friendship. I don't need nothin'.
I'm totally self-sufficient.
Or at least I'm about to be,
with these here solar panels.
Good-bye, high energy bills.
Hello, self-sufficiency.
Whoops. I wanted to keep that.
Wish I had labeled these things.
Jackpot! I'm off the grid.
Sun, do your thing.
[Whirring]
Do you hear that?
That's the sound of Yosemite Sam
never needing nothing from nobody never again.
Have fun paying your electric bill, losers.
[Thunder]
Uh-oh.
This could be a problem.
Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com
This is Elmer J. Fudd reporting.
Ha ha ha!
[Thunder]
I'd hate to be Yosemite Sam right now.
I'd hate to be Yosemite Sam any time.
[Doorbell rings]
Pardon me, neighbors.
I know I said I never needed nothing from nobody,
but could I possibly use your microwave
to heat my frozen dinner?
Don't get involved!
He's standing right there!
Where's your microwave?
[Microwave beeping]
[Microwave whirring]
Ahem-hem-hem.
Hmm? I thought you said something.
Uh, no.
[Microwave beeps] Oh, thank goodness.
I mean, it's ready.
Okey dokey. Well, thanks, neighbors.
Let's never do this again.
Out of my way, beak face!
[Doorbell rings]
And with the extra point, we'll have a tied ball game.
Of course, in this rain, the extra point is not--
Sorry.
Code of conduct.
Apparently no power means no hot water.
Do you mind if I grab a quick shower?
I'll just be in and out.
Sorry I took so long.
Wound up taking a long bath after the quick shower.
I won't bother you again.
[Door closes]
Was he wearing my robe?
Yeah. He used your bathroom.
[Razor vibrating]
[Screaming]
I had to see you.
Adam, this won't work.
[Door opens, closes]
Sorry. Electric toothbrush.
Good for fighting tartar
but, heh, bad for when you lose power.
Oh! What you watching?
Ah, I seen this movie.
[Spits]
[Maniacal laughter]
Yeah, she dies at the end.
Adam...
Oh, I almost forgot--
one of you's got to wake me up at 4:30 in the morning.
Now, when you're waking me,
you gotta do it very gentle-like.
I'm a sensitive sleeper.
I also tend to have night terrors.
So, trust me on this,
you do not want to wake me
if I am having a night terror.
Oh, and if there's a tie on the door,
don't come in at all. [Chuckles]
Nighty night, neighbors.
[Door opens, closes]
[Alarm sounding]
[Thunder]
Sam, Sam.
[Sam speaking russian]
Heh heh heh!
[Speaking russian]
What are you doing here?
I never left. [Speaking russian]
Who are you talking to?
I'm taking to Russia. Some dope cut my phone line.
Mae Druzia Bugs y Daffy
prekrasnia. Spaceeba!
[Crash] Sheesh.
Why don't you just move in?
[Gasps] You were thinking that, too?
Well, that's a great idea!
I'll go rustle up my gear.
B.R.B.--
roomies!
Please tell me I'm having a night terror.
Is that my robe?
[Door opens, closes]
Whoo-hoo!
Hee-haw!
[Yelling]
Ahh!
[Cackling]
Thanks for breaking my fall, roomie!
No. Thank you for breaking my back.
Eh, this living arrangement is only temporary, right?
Absolutely!
Soon as that sun comes back out, I'm-a gone!
Well, in the meantime,
I should probably stock up on some groceries.
I feel like I'm starting to get hungry.
And believe me,
you won't like me when I'm hungry.
I don't like you now.
[Thunder]
And thanks again for spotting me.
I'll pay you back.
This temporary living arrangement
is starting to feel very permanent.
It's got to stop raining some time.
Soy cheese nachos?
Try one. Try one.
Tastes like real cheese.
Try one. Try one.
Huh? No?
Heh heh heh!
Ok, more for me.
[Chewing loudly]
[Burps] Well, time for bed.
Ahem, ahem.
And, uh, you're sitting on it.
I didn't want it to come to this,
but I think it would be best if you slept somewhere else.
Are you saying what I think you're saying?
I'm afraid so.
You can't sleep here.
Well, then it's settled.
You sleep on the couch
and I'll sleep in your bed.
What?! You can't sleep in his bed!
Oh, I get it.
You're a-jealous.
Well, don't worry, I actually like to sleep like I'm in a sandwich.
You know, one mattress on the top, one mattress on the bottom.
So I'll take your bed, too.
There, problem solved.
Nighty-night. Don't let the bedbugs bite.
Seriously.
Keep that lid on tight,
or those bedbugs will bite.
[Doorbell rings]
[Russian accent] I am here to meet Yosemite Sam,
my new husband.
[Gasps] Svetlana?
Uh, you, uh, ooh.
You don't look like your picture.
You don't look like your picture, either.
That was, uh, that was before the beard.
Come on, let me show you to your room.
[Sam giggling]
Whoo-hoo. [Giggling]
Uh, what the--
how'd these rascals get on my hands?
Now get! Get, you soft and pretty gloves.
Uh, what's up, roomies?
Sam, we need to talk.
There's simply not enough room in this house for the four of us.
I couldn't agree more.
That's why I sent Svetlana packing this morning.
Oh, it's no big loss. She was one of those
has to tell you about the dream she just had kind of girls.
Although, now that I think about it,
I had a crazy dream last night.
I was in the house I grew up in,
but it was different, you know?
All the rooms were like on the wrong side.
It was weird. Anyway,
neighbor's dog was there,
but we was all acting like it was our dog.
Silky.
Does the term "slippery slope" ring a bell?
You were right.
When I first moved in here, I remember saying very clearly,
let's not be nice to the neighbor.
You were right.
And I remember thinking to myself as I was saying it,
Daffy, this is sounding a little harsh.
But you know what?
You were right.
I was right! What'd you say?
- You were right. - [Gasps]
I've dreamed of this moment for so long.
It just doesn't get any better than this.
And I need your help.
Ahh! It just got so much better!
[Rooster crowing]
♪ Chickenhawk, getting hungry ♪
♪ chickenhawk, getting hungry ♪
♪ I want some chicken, to eat ♪
♪ it is my favorite meat ♪
♪ I like it crispy, or glazed ♪
♪ it puts me in a daze ♪
♪ I like it fried up or baked ♪
♪ on my birthday, I eat chicken cake ♪
♪ chickenhawk's not a chicken ♪
♪ he's just a hawk that eats chicken ♪
♪ now just one second, all right? ♪
♪ I've got something for your appetite! ♪
♪ there's so many things that you could eat ♪
♪ there's a Chinese restaurant down the street ♪
♪ or how about a fish taco, son? ♪
♪ this bakery's got good honey buns ♪
[Cash register]
♪ Don't you seem so tasty? ♪
♪ hey, chicken, get in my mouth ♪
♪ how about a hot dog ♪
♪ with mustard and Sauerkraut? ♪
♪ no! ♪
♪ I want some chicken ♪
♪ no lie, you are my chicken pot pie ♪
♪ instead of chicken, try pork ♪
♪ just please put down that fork ♪
♪ try my grandma's baked beans ♪
♪ they've got 10 grams of protein ♪
♪ they're gooey sweet and piping hot ♪
♪ you'll want to eat the whole dang pot ♪
♪ chickenhawk gonna eat the beans ♪
♪ chickenhawk is enjoying the beans ♪
I knew you'd come around, son.
You know what would go good with these beans?
- Chicken. - Uh-oh.
Get over here, chicken.
♪ Chicken does go good with beans ♪
♪ beans and chicken, what a heavenly combo ♪
Time for bies and tries. Hit it!
And one. And two. [Grunts]
- And three. And four. - [Grunts]
- Reach for it, - [Growls]
And...Rest.
Ohh. I'm sweatin' like a hog!
Daffy, it's your greatest skill-- repelling people!
Use it.
Well, he's not going to leave as long as he likes being here.
We have to make it so unpleasant that he wants to move out.
- But how? - We have to fill our home
with incessant fighting, resentment,
and so much tension that no one could stand to live here.
At least, that's what my parents did.
So you're saying we should stage a fake fight?
That's exactly what I'm saying.
Ok. Time for the abs and glutes!
Oh, you're killing me!
But those are my problem areas!
[Grunting]
How many times do I have to tell you
to put your deli dishes in the dishwasher?
Really? That's the best fake fight
you can come up with? [Chuckles]
Oh, I'm sorry.
I forgot you're the reigning king of fake fightland.
We wouldn't even need to have a fake fight
if you didn't get us into this mess.
Well, some of this is your fault, too.
Me? What did I do?
I specifically remember hearing you pray for rain 2 days ago.
- What? - Don't play dumb with me.
I heard you complaining about how the dry air was exacerbating your eczema.
[Gasps] First of all,
it's not eczema. It's psoriasis,
which is a much less serious skin condition.
And second of all, a man's prayers are his own business,
and you shouldn't be eavesdropping.
Break it up. Break it up! Whoa!
Y'all can't be fighting.
He means the world to you. You know that.
And he means the world to you, and you know that.
And I mean the world to both of you,
and we all know that.
It is so clear that you need me here
to keep us all together. We're like a family now.
Like brothers. Or fathers.
Nah, brothers. Let's hug.
I'll never, ever leave. Never, ever...
Never. Never leave.
Never. [Thunder]
Well, that didn't work.
Operation: Roommate removal is about to enter phase 2.
Keep it down.
Oh, right. We don't want to upset Mr. Light sleeper.
Or do we?
[Rock music playing]
[Indistinct talking] Hey! Having a good time?
Feel free to use the coasters.
And turn up the music! The louder, the better!
[Volume increases]
And we will be losing one annoying houseguest
in 5, 4,
3, 2...
What in tarnation is a-goin' on here?
One.
If this is the kind of shenanigans
that's going to go on here,
I'm just going to pack my bags and get the--
[gasps] Is that karaoke?
[Soft rock music playing]
♪ Wherever you go ♪
♪ I'll be with you ♪
♪ whatever you want ♪
♪ I'll give it to you ♪
♪ whenever you need someone ♪
♪ to lay your heart and head upon ♪
♪ remember, after the fire ♪
♪ after all the rain ♪
♪ I will be the flame ♪
[Cheering]
[Laughs]
Time for phase 3.
Yosemite! Wake up!
[Gasps] What's happening?
There's a ghost in this house!
- A ghost? - Yes! A ghost!
And he's a very angry ghost.
I said, he's a very angry ghost.
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!
Ooh! He does sound angry.
Whoa!
[Wailing]
Come on, Bugs. This is no time to be playing in the laundry.
There's a ghost in our house!
[Raining]
You two will be safe out here in the cold and rain.
What? [Lock clicks]
I locked the door. That durn ghost ain't escaping.
Come on, ghost. It's just you and me now, ghost.
Is that you? Hyah!
[Glass shattering] [Grunting]
Oh, you think you can get away, huh?
[Grunts] [Glass shatters]
[Snoring]
Wake up, boys! It's a good morning.
I got him.
It took all night, but in this,
I believe I have your ghost.
Either that, or it's just a jar full of air.
You idiot! There was no ghost!
We told you that so you would leave!
[Whimpers] Brother,
is it true what the other brother just said?
It's true, doc. You can't stay with us anymore.
I can take a hint.
Well, not really. We've dropped a ton of 'em.
All right. I don't need to be told twice.
Apparently, you need to be told about 1,000 times.
I'm a bad houseguest. Always have been.
Give me an inch, I'll take a mile.
Give me a secret, I post it online.
You tell me under no circumstances
am I to look in your third desk drawer,
and I got your third desk drawer right here.
Here you go.
I guess I'll just go back
to my cold, dark, lonely house
'cause I ain't got no family.
[Crying]
I know I'm going to regret this.
- Are you crazy? - Crazy? Yes.
Heartless? No.
Come on back inside. You can stay.
[Crying stops]
You--you really mean it?
[Gasps]
[Birds chirping]
[Machinery whirs]
[Engine clicks and whirs]
[Bubbling]
Whoo-hoo!
I'm back in business!
Toodle-oo, you buck-toothed, beak-faced losers!
I don't need no one!
Well, I hope you learned your lesson
about talking to neighbors.
Daffy, letting him stay with us was the right thing to do.
And if I had it to do over again, I would.
[Thunder]
[Machinery whirs]
Brothers!
Quick! Get inside! Run!
[Chuckles] I can't believe that fool
thought there was a ghost in this jar.
[Giggles] Yeah.
What a maroo-- What?
Uh, is that the jar that had the bedbugs in it?
[Both grunting]
Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com